Rocket all night long

So why are you such a Rocket Raccoon fanboy?

I know people wonder this. Some ask irl when they see all of my Guardians of the Galaxy stuff on my desk at work, which shows a definite favoritism
toward Rocket. I admit it’s weird from some viewpoints for a 34 year old man to be so into comic books; moreover, for him to be so into rocket Raccoon.

I’ve been a fan of Sci Fi/Fantasy my entire life. I’ve always been into escapism. Comic books were something I always liked but I grew up too poor to get them with any frequency, not to mention I lived in Jackson, MS which had maybe one comic shop in the entire city and I’m just old enough that for most of my childhood they were taboo for kids to go into. So as an adult when I landed a decent job I got into comic books. I’d binge on trade paperbacks and catch up on years of issues etc. I’m no expert on them by any means. I go months without reading them only to catch up in a binge.

I also fell in love with the idea and execution of the Marvel Cinematic Universe (henceforth referred to as the MCU) which started with Iron Man. When I learned they were making a Guardians of the Galaxy movie, I admit I only had a passing knowledge of that area of the Marvel universe. I was already a true believer by then and the idea that they were going to make a talking Raccoon mercenary and his Tree buddy work on screen and be taken seriously enough to fit into the MCU really ignited within me some completely as of yet unjustified love of Rocket & Groot.

I went back and read some Guardians comics & I started playing Marvel Heroes on my PC. I played Rocket so much that I “gold prestiged” him which meant that I restarted the character and leveled him up so many times I received a gold nameplate for him
in game. Finally, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 1 premiered and I knew it was true love.

I’m not a raccoon. I’m not an expert tactician and I’m certainly not a genius engineer. What I am, is damaged. Damaged in a way that made me connect with his damage magnetically.

I grew up in a single parent home in a Jackson, MS under the oppression of Evangelical Christianity. I spent most of my childhood being afraid of literal demons. I never felt good enough or worthy enough. I never quite believed with the certainty of my elders. I had too many questions. Yet, this belief system defined me.

On top of this, most of my life my mother suffered from debilitating migraines. I spent a lot of time taking care of her and worrying about her. Worrying more than I believe children should even have to comprehend “worry”.

I was a fat kid who was picked on at school as well. Beginning in Jr. High it became a hellish experience that eventually lead to me dropping out in 10th grade.

Not long after dropping out, my mother suffered a complete mental break. I remained a caretaker. Her mother lived with us as well and shared the burden all the while reminding me I was unclean and influenced by demons.

My only solace through all of this was my computer and the ability to go online. It was there I crafted a personality that took no shit, could not have his feelings hurt, and always had a sarcastic retort at the ready. I became an asshole online. I excused this by being “one of the good ones”. Being an asshole to other assholes. Giving them twice what they gave innocent bystanders. But the rage and shame inside of mey head kept nearly everyone at arm’s length, even online. I couldn’t be genuine with anyone. I could only be acerbic and sarcastic.

During these years a lot of things happened. I got my GED then went on to get an Associate Degree at a community college. I got married. I landed a job in the federal government and moved away from home. I dropped religion and became a progressive. Unfortunately, personal demons don’t just vanish. I got better over the years. Opened up to people (including my now wife) and calmed down quite a bit. I still struggle with this attitude.

My experience clicked with Rocket immediately. I was a lab experiment with Evangelical Christianity. A bunch of authority figures trying to program the perfect little preacher. Using fear and shame instead of cages and scalpels to shape me.

I was a kind and loving kid. The kind that would talk to strangers and give people hugs. I had to create a suit of asshole armor to protect me from the pain. I love my mom (and my dad even though I didn’t live with him) but I spent a lot of time raising myself. For me that meant finding a way to cope with a world that didn’t love me. I had to protect myself even if it meant hurting myself. Just like Rocket.

Guardians 2 came out recently and in it there is this exchange between Yondu and Rocket.

Yondu: You can fool yourself and everyone else, but you can’t fool me. I know who you are.
Rocket: You don’t know anything about me loser.
Yondu: I know everything about you. I know you play like you’re the meanest in the heart but actually you’re the most scared of all.
Rocket:Shut-up!
Yondu:I know you steal batteries you don’t need and you push away anyone who’s wiling to put up with you because just a little bit of love reminds you of how big and empty that hole inside you actually is.
Rocket:I said shut-up!
Yondu: I know them scientist what made you never gave a rats ass about you.
Rocket: I’m serious dude!
Yondu: Just like my own damn parents who sold me, their own little baby to slavery. I know who you are boy, because you’re me.
Rocket: What kind of a pair are we?
Yondu: The kind that’s about to fight a planet I reckon.
Rocket: Alright, okay, good that’s…wait, fight a what?

I ugly cried during that scene. When the truth hits you it hits you in the gut.

So yeah. I’m a 34 year old man who loves a talking Raccoon mercenary. His flaws are my flaws and if a superhero can make friends and fight evil with those kinds of flaws maybe there’s hope for me.

There’s a lot of talk of resistance these days, for good reason. Rocket is my spirit animal and my totem.

If you don’t like it you can go fuck yourself I guess. Sorry. I said I was working on it.